Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Strange Proposition

Characters:
M/W – Man/Woman. Long pause everytime there is a line break

(Woman reading book. Newspaper lies in seat next to her. Man enters)
- M Hi. This seat taken?
- (Shakes head. Signals he can sit next to her)
- (Points to newspaper next to her) Uhm… are you done with that?
- Hmm? Yes.
- (Picks up and starts reading. Chuckling to himself)
- What is it?
- Reading the funnies.
- Ah.
(He carries on laughing. Girl closes her book and looks at him, amused)
- M Guy jumps off a 13th storey building… so as he’s passing by 9th floor, someone sticks their head out the window and asks him. So, how’s it going? As he’s falling, guy replies, well… so far so good.
- (Chuckles) That’s a terrible joke.
- Is it? I thought it was supremely funny.
- (playfully) Well maybe you have a low threshold for humour.
- Well maybe you’re too uptight to appreciate good humour.
- What? Who? I… I’m not uptight! I’m just… well… what’s wrong with being uptight anyway?
- Nothing. Whatever works for you.
(He goes back to paper, chuckles. She goes back to book. He keeps chuckling)
- W (irritated) Why did you say that?
- Hmm?
- Uptight. Why’d you say that?
- Ah. No reason really. Just… I don’t know. Maybe the way you tie your hair up.
- Oh. I see. And that gives you profound insight into my psyche does it?
- No, I didn’t mean…
- Has it occurred to you, it might simply be functional? Maybe I just don’t like it falling all over my eyes. Or having it stick to the back of my neck in all this heat
- Hmm. Point. (smiles. gets back to paper)
- And what of you then? Sitting there in that… that white shirt and jeans and, what are those, loafers? On your feet. So predictable. The laid-back, easy going drifter dude. It’s too… perfect, too coordinated, too carefully chosen. You try too hard.
- You certainly have astute powers of observation.
- It’s my job to pay attention to details.
- Interesting. What do you do?
- I’m an accountant.
- I see. (gets back to paper)
- No you don’t!
- What?
- I find it very offensive.
- That I see?
- No… your tone. It’s very condescending.
- I see… offensively?
- Precisely.
- I see.
- Stop it.
- (He grins. Girl cracks smile)
- Anyway. What do you do?
- I’m a laid-back, easy-going drifter dude.
- Right. (gets back to book)
-
- M So how many kids?
- What?
- How many kids do you have?
- Five.
- Really now?
- No.
- Ah.
-
- W So how’s the wife?
- Run away. With male lover.
- Sorry to hear that.
- Not her. Me.
- Ah.
-
- M Would you marry me?
- What of your male lover?
- He’ll survive.
- And my five children?
- We can have five more.
- What would I do with a drifter?
- You can teach him how to dress.
- And what would you do with an accountant?
- (Guy reaches over, removes clip) Lots of things.
-
- W Are you serious?
- Yes.
- Really?
- No.
-
- W Yes.
- Really?
- No.
-
- M Hairstylist.
- What?
- It’s what I do.
- Do you?
- No
- I see.
- You do?
- No.
- I see.

- W Next stop.
- What?
- There’s a church.
- So?
- They perform marriages.
-
- W Will it work?
- It might.
- You don’t know anything about me.
- I know you look gorgeous with your hair left loose.
- I don’t know anything about you.
- You have the rest of your life to find out
-
- W I’m actually a designer. Just turned 28. never been married. Don’t particularly like kids. I live with my five cats. I hate tomatoes. Oh, and I love the funnies.
- Im a struggling actor. 24, but can pass off for 20. 30 if nursing a hangover. Live with my mum, have my own key though. Hate cabbage. Love dogs.
-
- M Here’s our stop.
- You really think it could work?
- Well... (looks out the window) So far, so good.
(Lights out)

--

This was a short sketch that I wrote and performed @ pif (installment one) at Madras in December 2007. Anyone wishing to use these, please do ask for permission and give the author (erm, me) due credit. I am just a poor girl though my story's seldom told.

1 comment:

W H said...

I do believe that a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest...
lai la lai.. lai la lai lai lai la lai..
la la la lai lai..