Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Note to self


Don’t fall for a man like your f. They are not the marrying kind.

If you can help it, don’t fall at all.

Seek. Live. Love. Let go. Do not hope to possess. Certain things cannot be possessed. Like water, the tighter you grip it the more that spills out through the gaps between your fingers.

Do not fall for someone innocent and pure. You will destroy him. People like that, we must gently sun ourselves in their warmth. We cannot take them home with us, to our tarnished surroundings and our sullied thoughts. We must watch them quietly from a distance or we will deform them. They are happy because they do not know any better. Do not push your fears unto them. They will listen, they will comfort, they will support, they will lift the burden gently from your shoulders, but your fears and your hate are ugly and contagious.

Do not fall for someone hoping he will change. He will not. They never do.

Be wary of the magickal ones. They will make you laugh, they will make you feel good about yourself, they will gently nudge you out of your cocoon; you will blossom and come into your own under their quiet encouragement. They will stand behind you and hold your hand as you slowly, shyly, hesitantly stick out your foot and dip your big toe into the cold dark waters. You will turn back and see the quiet approval in their eyes. They are the worst.

Do not fall for those.

Do not ever fall for those.

Do not let yourself be possessed. Do not speak, when you don’t wish to. Do not answer, if you don’t want to. Do not stay, if you want to go.

Know the difference between a keeper and a fun ride. Do not mistake one for the other.

Do not mistake the heady sensation of meeting someone for the first time for something more than what it is. The first days are always that way. You will be giddy, you will laugh, you will glow, you will bloom, you will shed your inhibitions, you will become intoxicated with life. It is not him, it is you. This will not last. It is transitory. Make the most of it because it will fade. There will soon be others and you will do it again. Such is life and thank god for that.

Hold them lightly, by just the tips of your fingers. If you can, don’t hold them at all. Turn around and look with surprise when you find they are still there.

There are those that will hurt you. Stay. Allow yourself to feel pain. Leave when you feel you cannot. But don’t hope. They do not mean it. They just do not know that they trample on everything that is sacred and pure to you. They are not bad; it is just the way they are. They will never learn. Do not try.

Segregate. Know what you like and know what you don’t want. Keep the one and throw the other. Do not engulf the whole. It will make you sick. Understand that these are things in and of and by themselves. These are not the people themselves; no more than brown is a unique, inherent quality of a dog. When you decide to engulf the whole, do not pick out the parts and examine them too closely. Close your eyes and plunge right in. Try to enjoy the journey. Do not be scared.
Above all, have fun.

1 comment:

Anjana Iyer said...

Hey ,

Just happened to read this particular post... and well its brilliant, the way you have written it all .. hats off to u and to the men who got u to write this!